Am I an anxiety attachment person?

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Attachment is a psychological concept that everyone is familiar with. Some parents or caregivers cannot meet the needs of children consistently.

They are sometimes very timely and sometimes slow. Just as parents often argue: the child is crying, and he is still not jealous.

In fact, both options are ok, the most terrible thing is to change and change: after a while, not a while.In the eyes of children, the response of parents is unstable and unpredictable, when children are confused and upset, they do not know how to expect to be treated.

Therefore, many children feel sad and angry, and the solution chosen is to stick to adults.

This is the solution for children who form anxiety attachments to their unpredictable parents.Caregivers’ treatment is a key factor in the formation of infant attachment types, and this effect continues into adulthood.Anxious individuals do not feel love and trust to their partners, but rather an “emotional hunger”.

They want each other to save themselves or make them more “complete”. Although they are extremely eager to be close to people, they are always lacking in self-confidence and believe that they are not worthy of being loved.

Therefore, they always suspect and fear that they do not want to achieve the same intimacy.Anxious people gain a sense of security through adhesion and control.

Therefore, they often use excessive emotional reactions to gain the attention and love of their partners. When they feel pressure, they rely on each other’s care for themselves, rely on the promises made by the other party, and rely on this commitment to build a sense of security. But the results are usually contrary to expectations, and their partners often flee because they can’t stand it.

If you have these thoughts and behaviors, then you may be an anxious person:Extremely eager for intimacy and companionship, asking to keep in touch with your loved ones, report your whereabouts every dayWill not get back the SMS call, deliberately lead the other party or threaten to break up to get the other party’s attentionI feel angry and anxious if the other party violates his expectations of Ta or feels that the other person is not paying enough attention to himself.

Will give up their needs in order to maintain contact, please partnerFear of being abandoned , when you are alone, you will feel uncomfortable, and if you are a little left out, you will feel abandoned.

Just like the compulsive repetition of trauma, anxious individuals are easily attracted to avoidant people.In the process of interacting with the avoidant person, the other person’s feeling of anxiety and uneasiness if they leave themselves is similar to the feeling experienced by the child when they were young.

This familiarity makes them irresistibly Attracting, makes them feel more painful.Second, the impact of anxiety attachment on intimacyAnxious attachments are essentially using anger and anxiety to cover up the fear of being abandoned .

What they really pursue is actually a stable sense of security, but they often find it painful that their partners can’t satisfy themselves or even know. What you want is a sense of security.This is precisely the biggest influence of anxiety attachment on intimate relationships.

They are used to expressing their inner feelings of security and concern with facial emotions such as anger, anxiety, indifference and alienation .However, because these partners are disturbed by these deceptive superficial emotions, it is difficult to find their true demands, but they only feel that they are very angry, hard to be embarrassed, and unpredictable.

And we all know that the strong twisted melon is not sweet, and the attention through anger and alienation is not true.So when your partner doesn’t understand the real thoughts behind your actions, you can’t respond to you in a way that can comfort you.

Third, anxiety attachment, how can I save you?1. What can you do as a partner with a high attachment anxiety person?Give support and commitment at the right timeIf your partner is a high-attachment anxious person, then what you have to do is not to retain and affirm Ta when Ta breaks up, but to affirm Ta in the usual interaction, help Ta build self-confidence, and encourage Ta to accomplish his personal goals independently.Many times, people will satisfy the unreasonable demands of the other party in order to ease the intense emotions of their partners, and blindly accept the emotions of the other party. This often worsens the attachment anxiety of the other party and also buryes a bomb for their own patience.

One day, Unbearable.Therefore, when the other party is over-excited, it is appropriate to reject Ta’s unreasonable dependence and learn to be rational, rather than blindly accepted.Really express your feelingsWhen the other party is in conflict again, if you know that Ta’s real idea is not to break up, but to get your love and affirmation, then you need to tell your true feelings: “I am willing to retain this relationship, not On behalf of me, I am sure of your practice. I will feel hurt when I break up.”Your confession may cause temporary pressure on the other party, but in the long run, it can help the other person to think about their behavior patterns and make appropriate adjustments.2. If…I am a high attachment anxious person?Some orphans, or children who have been abandoned by their parents in the early years, will be rebellious after being sent to a new foster home. They are constantly testing their adoptive parents: Will you also abandon me?Similarly, blaming each other, breaking up, and abusing yourself in love… The real voice behind these behaviors is: see if Ta really loves me.Attachment anxious people always wonder if they are worthy of being loved. This is the root of the problem.

Therefore, if you want to slow down the attachment anxiety in intimate relationships for a long time, the best way is not to get the attention of your partner , but to relieve your partner’s excessive dependence and enhance your sense of self-worth.

Only you can solve your own emotionsThe best time to ease attachment anxiety is not in the midst of contradictions, but in ordinary everyday life.If you have to call 10 times a day to give the other person a sense of security, then please set a small goal, reduce it to 5 times a day, then reduce it to 2 times, 1 time… When you want to find the other person’s impulse, you can Try listening to songs, walking, reading books, or finding other partners to play.This is not to say that you can’t find a lover to seek comfort at all.

Instead, you only sacrifice your chance to grow up when you want to stick to each other because you are in a bad mood and feel anxious.If these have become the only way to maintain a sense of security, or even a kind of bundling, then you need to be freed from this bundling and remind yourself:”Ta is not the only person who can solve my emotions.

I am myself.”Develop your goals and build confidenceFind a hobby or job that can be independent of your partner, set a reasonable goal for yourself, and work hard for it.

Your interests and hobbies don’t need to be too great, so that you can immerse yourself in this process and experience independent growth in the process.

Fun, boosting self-efficacy and confidence.The value of each individual is determined by oneself, not by the evaluation and attention of the partner.Not easy to draw conclusions in conflictAfter each quarrel and conflict, try to perceive your emotions, try not to make any decisions and conclusions when the emotions are too strong, and people who are speaking under intense emotions are usually biased:”Since they do not love me, then we break up.” “You do not care about me, you care about is yourself!” ……These quarrels often lead to conclusions. When you calm down, you will often find that you are not your own truth, but the consequences are difficult to clean up. So try to make decisions and conclusions after two days of quarreling.Perceive the true emotions behind the surface emotionsWhen our true emotions are concealed by facial emotions such as anger, anxiety, and indifference, not only will our partners be confused, but we will also have a deep sense of powerlessness and feel that the other party does not understand ourselves, but in fact, many times, we are all these The surface emotions are deceived, and we may not know ourselves

.Next time, when you are angry because of some behavior of the other party, don’t rush to be awkward with Ta, think about what you are angry about because of what, what are you really afraid behind this reason?Looking for a stable relationship key to slowly changing anxiety attachment is to establish a stable, secure relationship, which can be a secure attachment partner, other important others, or a counselor.

Encourage everyone to seek help from a counselor because in addition to a safe and stable relationship, the counselor will work with you to feel and experience the anxiety and anger, and accompany you in a more professional way.

Explore the origins of these worries together and gradually correct these irrational beliefs so that you can regain a sense of security in future intimacy.Relieving attachment anxiety is a long process. If you can be accompanied by a partner, this road may be safer, but every high-anxiety anxious person must rely on his own strength to heal himself.

I want to share with you a sentence in The Biography of Wittgenstein:I have very little courage, much less than you. But I found that whenever I had the courage to do something after a long struggle, I always felt much more free and happy afterwards

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